True Purpose

I posted every day in November EXCEPT the last one! If I am not the biggest loser... actually, I feel no guilt! There were extenuating circumstances. My hubby and I were having, ahem, a little love connection so.... I didn't really feel the need to jump out of bed at 4 minutes before midnight just to say I posted something on November 30. That would have been rather contrary to my True Purpose, don't you think?

Anyway, now that NaBloPoMo is done, I can relate to the many other bloggers who want a break! In my case, I am truly going on vacation!!! I'm headed to Tulum, Mexico in less than 4 hours. No internet access. No electricity! I'm going cold turkey!

Krista tagged me for a meme.... Sorry it's taken awhile for me to get on the ball. Wasn't quite sure what to do, being a newbie to the whole blogging experience. Ican only use that excuse for so long so I'm going to milk it!

Here are the rules:
Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself. Tag 7 random people participating in nablopomo at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1)I love avocados... to the point where I will order something on a menu just because it has avocados in it
2) when I was in labor with Genny, I ate 100 grand bars and blue gatorade until I was at 7 cm
3) my husband doesn't know about this blog
4) I'm obsessed with submitting something to PostSecret but I can't think of anthing sordid or juicy enough
5) I couldn't live without my... dog
6) I crave silence
7) soccer moms creep me out (sorry!)

Momisodes
Mama-Om
Life Unfolds
Mortal Mom Writes
Some Go Softly
Goofy Andie
Sweetisu

Stacy, I want to join your mindful parenting group! :) The insight youyou shared on Right Action really resonated with me... inner clarity is an invitation for an expectation to be fulfilled in an unexpected way. It's certainly a lesson that I am in the process of learning. As always, it is a battle between my Ego and my Self. My ego, my controlling type A nature wants to choreograph everything. But with control comes self-induced responsibility (and pressure).

In those magical moments when I can let go of my attachment to "how things should be," the burden of forcing the outcome is lifted. A few days ago, I blogged about problem-solving, about allowing the Universe to participate in the fulfillment of my goals. It's like gracefully receiving a gift. I am constantly reminded that my responsibility is... to claim my wants/desires/objectives/dreams. I am not responsible for "how."

We are in love with our achievements. The world equates WHO WE ARE with our achievements.  I pondered this as I was remembering Covey's "Begin with the end in mind..." You know, at your funeral, how do you want people to remember you? Whether it's making a million dollars or donating a million dollars or winning a humanitarian award or having the cleanest kitchen in the world, it doesn't matter. It's still some external measurement of your own worth. Even being a great mom is in a way, an achievement. How does one disengage from this social success consciousness? In the quietest moments, it is clear to me that true profit is internal... the understandings that we learn during our life are the only things we take with us.

And yet... the constant pressure.

Any ideas?

The decision to move to another part of town was a true paradigm shift. I had a nagging feeling for a long time that I needed a major change in my life. It started with George and I both realizing that we had outgrown our house. This house was the one we bought together when we got married. Now, our family had expanded to include two kids and two dogs. I felt like the walls were closing in! But when we first started shopping for new house, I was totally fixated on staying within the same five mile radius of our current one. After all, the only problem was the house. But I wanted my kids to go to the same school, a mile down the road. I wanted to shop at the same grocery store, and get gas at the same gas station. I wanted my routine to stay exactly the same. As we shopped, we discovered that this house thing was just a teeny tiny part of a bigger "thing." When we consciously examined what we wanted as a family (more time together), how we wanted to experience each other, the kind of larger community we wanted for our children... all these things began to move us in the direction of what is, at least in our part of the world, a major move. Part of my discovery was something so self-evident, it seems silly to have to write it out: life is made up of moments, all strung together. How could I expect my life to change by keeping all the pieces (my routine) to stay the same?

In the end, we moved from the suburbs into the city. 30 miles. But we're180 degrees from where we were before.

I'm a problem-solver! I've always gotten props for being a problem solver. But now I realize that this all too often praised attribute also comes with a price. As Susanka discusses in The Not So Big Life, if you solve problems as they arise, you find that you spend most of your time putting out fires. Whatever is at the top of my in box gets top priority, and then the thing right under it, and then the thing under that until the time I've allotted for such things runs out. The problem with this approach is that I am unwittingly giving power to my problems. They define me. My problems are my routine. My routine is my life. By the transitive property (A=B and B=C, then B=C), my problems = my life. Well, that just S-U-C-K-S!!!

In addition, I think that my need to solve problems immediately leaves no room for the Universe to solve some problems for me! :) Here's an example:

I was following up on some test results for Tre and the doctor's assistance said I had to fax in a written request, blah, blah, blah. Now I don't know about you but that's a 10-step process in my house... after writing the note! It involves hooking up the fax machine! Anyhoooo... I put it off. I put the fax number on my desk. Yes, it was burning a hole in my in box, saying DO ME! I'm on top! I'm the fire. You need these test results NOW. I did not. I just didn't get to it for a few days. And today, miracle of miracles, the test results came in the mail, without me doing anything at all!

We had a lovely Thanksgiving and I have a lot to be thankful for this year. It's been an amazing adventure, with a lot of inner growth. I truly feel like a completely different person than I was at this same time last year. And last year, I was already pretty cheery! :)

So along with the usual thanks for family, friends, good health and good cheer, I thought I'd submit the following for my Friday Fives.

5 Reasons I am Thankful...
1) that I forgot to buy carrots and celery
2) that I burned the flan twice
3) that the power went out
4) that lost WiFi access
5) because of 1-4, I was in bed by 10:38 on Wednesday night!

I'm prepping a turkey... by candlelight. Yes, that's right, the power is out. And the house is strangely quiet. No persistent hum of electronics. No intermittent furnace blast through the vents. Nothing. Just quiet. I try to remember where the nearest candles are. Yes, next to the champaign flutes we used at our wedding. And lighter. Middle drawer. Soon enough, I've retrieved two more scentless candles from the basement. The dogs stick close. The kids are in bed. With three candles on the kitchen island, it's really pretty bright. I can see enough to work but... um, the stove needs more than a little candlelight to boil water.

Besides, it seems too magical.

When I was a little girl, the lights would go out pretty regularly during hurricane season. Every room was well stocked with candles and matches. This same feeling, of magic, would settle over the house when no TV could be watched and no persistent radio noises would waft over from come from the neighbors houses either. Our family would gather around the breakfast table to talk and tell stories. I would watch as wax melted off the candles and form little balls with it. And I would listen to the voices of my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle. Sometimes, I would actually hear what they were saying. But mostly, I would listen to their voices. At those times, there was a relaxed cant to the conversation, because there was no rush at all. The power outage could last all night, no one knew. We would settle in, like it would last for hours. Sometimes, after only an hour, the lights would come back on and there would be a general cry in the room. The grown-ups would be relieved and immediately jump up to resume whatever they had been doing previously. I would be sad because that moment when we were all suspended in time, was lost.

This is one of Wilson's quotes in Perfect Balance and a good one to keep in mind as I start the long weekend in my home with my family. On a Wednesday! Yes, my life is topsy-turvy in the sense that I do perceive my workweek to load up on weekends. I'm a Thank God It's Sunday kinda gal. When my kids are home, my husband is home and we are out of our regular weekday routine, I find it much more challenging to balance everyone's needs and wants and energy. This weekend especially. We celebrate Turkey Day at our house, with George's parents, grandparents and siblings. I guess I could be having a freak out moment right about now. But I've decided not to!

Following up on my earlier issue of clutter...

With Susanka and Wilson as my guides, I am exploring why clutter is such a hot button for me. Is this a control issue? A friend of mine said that it is an attempt to affect something that is within my control, compensating for all the things that I cannot. That doesn't ring quite true, primarily because apparently I CAN'T control it, can I? So I meditated on it last night and did some journaling as well and this was the result:

As above, so below. My outside reflects my inside. In the "waking dream," clutter represents the chatter that goes on in my head. Both chatter/clutter prevent me from seeing/hearing/perceiving clearly. Since clarity is what I crave, both mental and physical, I get frustrated. But it is only me that is creating the frustration. How do I respond to this in a more positive way? Embrace the mess. Be in love with... the mess. Shift my perspective to see that it is my ego (judgement) that makes mess a bad thing. My kids don't think it's bad. They look at all the toys around them and they think, "Fun!" Joyous, lovely fun! If I tap into my child Self, I would agree. What good are toys on a shelf? When they play, they are exploring, learning, using their imaginations. They are collecting experiences. Isn't that more valuable than having everything in it's place? Let go. Once again, allow them to be present in the moment. And when playtime is over, they will be agreeable, "See what a great time you've had. Now part of playtime is clean up... we put toys away and take care of them so that next time, they will be ready for more fun." "What do you want to play with now? Your trucks? Oh look! They are exactly where they belong. So easy to find. Now we have more time to play!"

Wow! It's amazing. When I create internal stillness, I can actually visualize a way out of this mess!!!